I wrote this essay, titled “Generational Ties”, for my WRT 303 course in my sophomore year. WRT 303 is the personal essay class, and our first assignment was to write a first-person narrative paper. I chose to write about my cultural background, but also how that tied in with my family history. Writing this piece helped me develop a better understanding of how I would portray experiences from my life and articulate them in a way a general audience would be able to follow!
Morgan Diep
“Just nod and say yes before she gets offended,” my mom instructs me in English. My po po (grandma) holds her old, bright colored sweater out towards me, looking at me expectantly. In recent years, po po has developed this tendency of rummaging through her old belongings and offering it to me and the rest of my cousins. Unless it’s raining or they have plans with friends, my gong gong (grandpa) and po po come visit us in the early morning and bring us food. Along with these early morning visits, my po po brings me something each time. I am grateful but also confused how she seemingly has an unlimited supply of the most random items in their small apartment. Last week, she brought me an old pack of Calvin Klein socks she never opened. On Saturday, she offered me a gold, plastic jewelry box. Yesterday, she brought me a knitted hat that had a portable charger embedded in it.
“You can’t buy these in stores anymore,” po po whispers to me in Cantonese. I sit down next to her and listen to her explain why the material and color are so appealing. I accept it graciously, thank her, and run up the stairs to my room to put it away. I come back down to send them off and listen to gong gong lecture me about my studies and career as he puts on his shoes. My grandparents are still unsure about what I am studying, but they know I want to work in healthcare and automatically they are proud. Oftentimes, people feel pressured to go into certain fields because they are held to a standard or expectation from their family. Although my family does not imply their expectations so directly, I still know what they would like me to pursue. I am an extension of them, and I find myself able to pursue fields they would have wanted to without being limited by responsibilities or financial commitment.
My great grandparents, on both sides, made a decision to leave China and move to Vietnam and start their life there. In Vietnam, they settled and worked in order to provide for my grandparents. My grandparents did not receive a formal education and they actually both dropped out of high school. Despite this, they were still capable of forging a stable life for themselves in Asia. My gong gong was a businessman in Cambodia, often traveling to Thailand and Hong Kong for various affairs. Po po accompanied him, indulging in the life they made together. Although only a few photos are all that remain of that time period, my grandparents recall those days like they never even ended. Their youth was vibrant and unlike anything I can fathom now.
“Your gong gong was an important man! I was even kidnapped back in Cambodia and held for ransom. People wanted me for my connections to the government,” he brags to me. And of course, he turns his anecdote into a life lesson for me. “Nowadays, connections are important and you need to put yourself out there more.” He looks at me expectantly, but I don’t really know how to respond. My life pales in comparison to the years he’s lived. Po po shows off a black and white photo of her younger self, “Don’t I look pretty?” she asks me. I am closer to the age she was in the photo now. I can immediately tell that it was taken when they have not yet left their homeland because of the large pearl earrings adorned on each of her ears. I know that half of my life experiences will never amount to what they experienced. Even now, I am in awe of how well they were able to reestablish themselves here. After the war and immigrating to the States, my grandparents were pushed into working long hours in laborious jobs to support their own kids, my parents. Once my parents got older, pursuing further education was not up to debate. My parents received a college education, not because they wanted to pursue an interest further but because they needed to.
I recall my mom and dad telling me they chose to study finance and business because that was what they were able to manage. My grandparents could not help them with assignments or hire tutors to help them do well in school. As they grew up, they relied on their siblings more than their own parents. My grandparents were unfamiliar with how the new world around them worked. They were often out of the house working and providing for my parents. My parents had to succeed if they wanted to make a difference for themselves. Balancing part time jobs with a major that would open opportunities for a well paying job was their priority. I always wonder if I would be able to try balancing half of what they did. Being able to provide for their family and further their social status was their goal. The stability that they created for themselves, their parents, and me did not come without challenges. At the very core of my family, our generational goals have aligned with being able to provide for each other and live comfortably. I feel a sense of guilt seeing all that they have been through, especially compared to my life now.
At the height of the pandemic, I was graduating high school with little to no idea of what I wanted to pursue for myself. Although unsaid, I knew my parents would prefer that I study a field that would seemingly guarantee a “good” job. I knew I wanted to work in an environment where I could see my work have an impact on others. I wanted to interact with people and I wanted to know how I could help them. Healthcare seemed like a reasonable choice, but I was indecisive because I was aware of the long journey that would come with it. When I needed advice, I decided to call my aunt, who was now a rheumatologist. “Why did you decide to study medicine?” I asked her. I heard her sigh on the other end, thinking back to when she was 17 and how she decided what to pursue.
“I was just so desperate to make something out of my life…we were so poor and I wanted to do something to get us out of it and support my parents.”
My aunt’s words were the most impactful to me because I realized how different our family situation was just a generation before. I knew then that whatever I wanted to pursue, it should be because I wanted to make a difference. I am fortunate enough to not have to worry about earning a salary to support my family and I know that if I were to pursue postgraduate studies my parents would be able to support me. If I did not pursue what I wanted to, I feel that it would be a disservice to those who worked hard and could not pursue their dreams without being bound to other responsibilities. To have confidence in my own capabilities and work ethic is what fuels my ambition. Understanding my own privilege and also recognizing that I can balance a professional career with personal interests is important in learning how to grow into someone I want to be.
My parents try to help me as best they can and oftentimes I wish I was a little more appreciative of their efforts. Growing up in a war and having to mature quicker is what they knew as kids. Having to learn the ways of a new country before their parents were able to was a responsibility that I will not have to face. They worried about securing a job and balancing school because they had to help pay bills and put food on the table, but also do well in school. My mom is incredibly supportive of me and I know that she tries to give me everything she would have wanted. It almost feels selfish to go out and have these experiences that my mom missed out on because she was working and caring for her family. From giving me spending money to supporting my dorming experience, I think about how my mom wanted this as she grew up. When my dad reminds me about being safe on the streets, I think about all that he had to go through to stay alive in his childhood. I realize the contrast between my life now and my family’s back then.
Even now as I am no longer at home everyday, I come back and notice the little changes in my family’s faces. It hits me then, I realize that time will not slow down for me to catch up. Watching them grow older makes me wish I had more time to spend with them. I only have the present to make it up to them. I do not know how else to repay them for everything they have done. How do I repay generations of work and sacrifice? I only hope that my own hard work does not go unnoticed and that they know I recognize all that they have done. Perhaps all I can strive to do is be more mindful and appreciative of everything around me.
Maybe this is what we amount to: living to carry on and fulfill each other’s dreams. And in a strange way, I have earned this chance through each generation. My great grandparents left their home in China in search of proper shelter and food in Vietnam. My grandparents were able to establish an elaborate life for them in Asia, finding basic necessities no longer to be worried about. And once the war stole it, my grandparents took their families and brought them to the States. They worked hard to rebuild some semblance of what was lost. My parents worked to further establish their life here, providing stability for their families. Now, I have a much broader range of opportunities because of them. Across three generations, we have seemingly reshaped our lives and throughout the journey, many put their hopes on hold.
And so when my po po brings the next discovery from her apartment, I feel more grateful that she is still here to give me her belongings and tell me a story about each. And when gong gong gives me a lecture about studying hard, maintaining friendships, and being safe, I listen a little closer. When my mom comes home after a long day of work and immediately begins to make dinner, I give her an extra hug. I let her know that I see everything she’s done for me. I try to call her more often and spend time with her when I am at home. The best that I am able to do for my family is try to live a life that I am proud of. One where I forge the life that I want, where I am able to support and care for my family, and continue to do so for the next generation to come.
RhetComp 